I began to compose a letter in my head. It began, 'dear squirrel,' but I was interrupted by the woman who called me "dear." She was saying,

We work by basis of contribution, and drawing upon the common bank. In order to begin, you must first make a deposit. Our minimum is one hundred. I looked up and saw a sign above my head.

The Bank of Common Knowledge

She said, there is also the small matter of fees. I had no money, but since she said it was a "small" matter I decided to say nothing. Alright, I said, may I have some paper, and I will begin. I sat in a corner at a small table with a miniature pencil, next to a female alligator who appeared to be flustered. She kept sighing and panting, and sliding her scales on her table which made a most unpleasant noise. I tried to ignore her, although I could not help but to sympathize with her predicament. My list began with the following:

It is common knowledge that many living things require no door, nor doorstep.

It is common knowledge that many living things require no guardian, nor distinguishing characteristics.

It is common knowledge that the wind has no door.

It is common knowledge that windmills are actually persons with very strong arms.

It is common knowledge that this alligator beside me is having difficulties.

It is common knowledge that questions cannot be left behind; they cling most unkindly, but as they are innocent as children, one must take them along.

I had gotten this far when the alligator beside me got up noisily and lumbered away, knocking this and that with her tail as she went. She must have stuck her snout over my shoulder and was reading my list when she came to item five, and took it personally. I did feel annoyed, since those with snouts really shouldn't snoop. I was just adding this to my list:

It is common knowledge that those with snouts really shouldn't snoop.

when the "dear" lady came over to see what progress I was making. Her face made a variety of expressions while she read so that it was difficult to tell whether she was pleased.

Well, she began, I am personally much obliged to you for encouraging Alexandra to leave us.

Alexandra, I asked.

Yes, the alligator. You see, we find it most inappropriate to house reptiles.

But why, I asked, discriminate on the basis of blood temperature?

We are much indebted to you, she replied, ignoring my question, and on this basis we will accept your application. You need go no further.

Her cruelty was simply too much to bear. I thought of Alexandra and stood to leave, but then I decided to make an inquiry first, and resumed my seat.

I am most interested to know, has a crane passed this way recently, or a doormaker?

Certainly not!

Just then the walls began to creak, as if a storm were approaching. I could have sworn I saw the distinct outline of a crab within her right pupil.

Perhaps the wind has kept them away, I wondered aloud. At this comment of mine, her complexion noticeably colored.

She spoke in some temper: It is common knowledge that the wind is a very impatient and flighty entity. The last time the wind came through our office it took us quite some time to recover.

I was taken aback by the change in her manner. She looked around herself at the voluminous books fastened upon the walls with claws. It became clear that she had been all the while attempting to compose her features, searching for an appropriate thing to say. When she had accomplished her task she returned her gaze to me and spoke again.

I'm sorry, she replied, but we cannot accept your application.

Knowing my place exactly, and what I must do, I answered with all the seriousness I could summon:

That is most unfortunate, since I am not at present accepting refusals.

She made no reply. Her crab pupil scuttered, as if to follow me to the door. But she hastily closed her lid and clasped her hand over it firmly.

As I walked away the bank seemed to gleam like one copper coin being dropped. The sight was so clear in my mind I had but to turn around just in time to see a pig who was so large, that its hoof could easily hold the entire bank of common knowledge. The pig lifted the bank, looked quickly around, and then swiftly dropped it through a large slit in its back. This accomplished, the pig ran into the distance, creating a large amount of dust as it went. The last I saw was the flourish of its curly tail at the horizon. The ground was shaking. I sat down to recover my balance. I thought of the "dear" woman. No doubt she would not have many applicants to turn away now. Thank goodness Alexandra and I had not remained within its premises. There was a big crack in the earth in front of me that must have opened up during the giant pig's departure. I was still clutching my list of items of common knowledge

It is common knowledge that the "dear" woman was never "dear."

I threw the list into the crack and rose to my knees.

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